The Definition of an Appraiser (Humor)

I gave an appraisal technology presentation a few years ago at the ISA annual conference in Santa Fe and used the following "definition of an appraiser" in one of my slides. I found it somewhere on the internet, but with no attribution. I thought it was fitting after the posts of last week about qualified appraisers and qualified appraisals. After reading IRS Guidelines and the Code of Federal Regulations, we can all use a little humor.

"An appraiser is one who compiles and analyzes voluminous data of problematical accuracy from sources of dubious veracity and derives therefrom a numerical quantification of unquestionable necessity, analogous to a nebulous and euphemistic concept representational of value commensurate with ambient configurations of the open market and promulgates thereby a precise written declamation which delineates his observation, deliberations and conclusions all done while he feigns absolute ignorance of the avaricious machinations of Buyers, Sellers, Brokers and Collectors, compensated only by that penurious stipend known as the professional fee."